Mediation Talk! A Look at a Career in Mediation

A Conversation with Laura Waldman on the realities of Mediation Practice

“Practice, practice, practice, that’s what I recommend.”

Ms Laura Waldman is a civil court Mediator with Community Mediation Services in New York and a law school student by night. She is an Alumnus of the New York Peace Institute, Institute for Mediation and Conflict Resolution, and International Center for Ethno-Religious Mediation and coach to apprentice mediators. I had a very interesting and eye opening conversation with her concerning Mediation Practice. I asked the questions and Laura answered them. These were Laura’s comments. 

1. Why did you become a mediator?

Laura-Two reasons; one was personal, the other political. I started by helping others to solve their problems; in my community amongst my friends and family. I found it very easy to assist others to resolve their conflicts and so I was attracted to become a Mediator. 

The other reason is political. In the summer of 2017, there was a lot of political unrest. President Trump had just taken office and there was a lot going on in the communities. I remember sitting at my parents’ home and asking what can be done. “How can I help my community?” I was frustrated with what was going on in terms of conflict resolution and I wanted to be a part of something more proactive to help people understand each other.  The first training in mediation that I undertook was at the New York Peace Institute, it was a week. I learned a lot concerning conflict resolution through the case studies we were given. One case study was about two roommates trying to split the furniture. Well, my first question was “who bought the furniture?” but I did learn to see the different dimensions of the conflict. The course also enabled me to grow as a person.

2. What has mediation practice been like for you so far?

Laura-My first mediation case was a custody case. I was nervous but the parties were very interested in mediation which was very helpful. They had a small baby and we had to go through everything including what happened between them. At the end they were much more comfortable talking with each other and decided they did not need a formal settlement.  I also engaged with a restorative justice program for misdemeanors involving family members.

By getting family members to talk, complainants made the decision that their family member didn’t need to go to jail. My mediation skills really helped and it was also inspiring watching families reconcile. I have worked with young people too at their school and witnessed again why people quarrel. Young people too care about issues like reputation and respect. 

Sometimes I sit back and think, “Oh I shouldn’t have done that”. I should have given this party more time and more attention.” But it’s a learning process and what I realized is I am not as shocked any more when I witness anger. There’s a lot of anger involved sometimes.

It is difficult to keep bias out but I try. One way I do this is by staying aware of the bias that keeps me from applying it to the case. There was a scenario about a fur coat. One person’s concern was the value of the fur coat and the other’s concern was about who cared for the relative when she was alive. It was hard to keep bias out of a scenario like that but I did and in the end it was worth it because all sides were able to express themselves and understand each other. 

3. Would you recommend mediation as a career?

Laura- Yes I would although, at present it’s not yet as popular. It has many volunteers especially for court matters but I would consider setting up a mediation practice especially for divorce and commercial cases. It is also one way we can impact our communities. I have grown a lot through mediation.

4. How does one become a successful mediator? Please share with us experience from your field.

Laura-Practice, practice, practice, that’s what I recommend. It is also important to reflect when mediating. You can also practice transformative mediation; mediation by summarizing the differences of the parties,  which frees you to listen closely and not be as focused on thinking about what you will ask next. Transformative theory says that even by asking open-ended questions, the mediator introduces a bias through the choice of question. Facilitative approaches, by contrast, focus on asking open ended questions that will guide the parties through the process and invite their creativity. I believe both approaches have benefits. Finally, I think it’s important to attend conferences and talks as well as events connected to mediation; this gives you the opportunity to meet many people including potential clients. 

5. You are ICERM (International Center for Ethno Religious Mediation) alumni. Why did you choose the ICERM Mediation course? Was it helpful to you?

Laura-I chose the ICERM mediation course because it is an international course with a great curriculum and Basil is an excellent teacher. The ICERM course also enabled me to develop a greater awareness of the scope of mediation, the possibility of applying it to larger plains not just personal. The assignment to analyze an international conflict for instance was really interesting. I chose to analyze the conflict in Spain; should they unify, should Catalonia secede. I learned too about the differences between societies. Some societies are high context, they value relationships; others are low context, much more individualistic. I also learned a lot about focusing on interests not positions and that it is important as well to consider people’s desire to save face. 

The ICERM course has helped a lot especially in handling cases involving different races. I was able to apply the issue of interests; the focus on interests not the conflict. Sometimes you discover that it is not about the law that was breached but about the relationship that has been ruined. There was this scenario of two Korean friends. The lady sued the guy for assault and failure to pay rent and then they realized it was because he was suffering from dementia. She said there’s no need to proceed with the case on condition that he gets treatment. But ultimately it was about the friendship that was restored. The case was even affecting family members who knew of their friendship. Those who attended said they were touched by the process and reconciliation that took place. 

I have had opportunities to work with ICERM too and helped out at the international conferences, which enabled me to meet other mediators from around the world. It was great meeting other people from different countries and sharing ideas with them. 

6. What do you think the future holds for Mediation?

Laura- It is very bright. Mediation is growing in popularity, more and more people are getting to know and understand mediation. Many lawyers too have realized the value of mediation especially after witnessing mediators resolve cases where at first they were skeptical. In Queens, we have up to 183 languages. We are also trying to have more mediators who speak more international languages like Spanish, Mandarin here in New York. It’s a project we are working on. 

Helga- Here in Uganda, mediation is mandatory for civil cases. Lawyers and clients alike are yet to open up to it, but many cases have been resolved through mediation. 

Laura  In New York, it is becoming presumptive (parties must opt-out, rather than opt-in), and a requirement for more cases to at least be offered mediation, and this has increased respect for the practice. It is not restricted to lawyers; however more lawyers have started participating in mediation training and practice.  

7. Have you been able to impact your community through Mediation?

Laura- Yes! Through Mediation, I have been able to reduce conflict in my community. Mediation allows people to process their feelings and resolve their disputes unlike court processes and most times they are able to work through the conflict. I think that mediation skills should be taught in the community and in schools because it gives people the ability to handle conflict.

Helga- Yes you are right. Unlike court cases, mediation makes room for parties to reconcile and sometimes like you said it’s not about the law but the circumstances, the parties’ feelings.

Helga- Thank you so much Laura for this in depth conversation on mediation. I am so glad that you shared your experience with us. Thank you for your time too. I definitely look forward to working together to let the public know more about mediation. 

Laura-I am happy and glad for this opportunity to talk about mediation. It was a pleasure speaking to you and it was great meeting you!